You Only Loved Me When We Were High: Akrasia, Erotic Disavowal, or Why Pretty Boys Don’t Do This is a 96-week durational performance and self-portrait project comprising 186 images. Across the series, I repeatedly perform an atomic wedgie against the same white wall, changing the underwear, materials, props, substances and photographic conditions from image to image.

The gesture sits between violence and play, humiliation and recognition, pain and pleasure. Repeated to exhaustion, it becomes less a joke or fetish image than a ritual: a way of measuring desire, obsession, time and the distance between what I want and what can actually be shared.

Most fetish imagery removes the person and leaves the body. This project does the opposite. I remain both photographer and subject, repeatedly facing the camera rather than disappearing into anonymity. The body is not interchangeable; the face, even when distorted or partially covered, insists that the desire belongs to someone specific. 

That insistence became central to the work: a fetish without anonymity becomes closer to confession.

Absence
The project gradually became less about the act itself and more about the absence surrounding it.

What had once belonged to a shared erotic language became something I continued to perform alone. The repeated self-inflicted gesture became a substitute for hands that were no longer there. In that sense, the archive is also about akrasia: knowing that a desire isolates you, and continuing anyway. 
The central question became simple:

What matters are the hands that are not there.

Photography
186 self-portraits produced over 96 weeks, each built around the repetition and variation of the same bodily gesture.
Performance

The still image becomes duration, resistance and physical effort. In live performance, underwear is repeatedly stretched, torn and replaced until the action reaches its limit. The private fetish becomes public ritual. Propuesta - 2025 - Artecámara

3D sculpture
A small 3D-printed figure freezes the gesture at maximum tension, turning an ephemeral private act into a physical object: visible, erotic, intimate and inaccessible at once. Propuesta - 2025 - Artecámara

Video
A 55-minute performance recorded at Teatro Barajas, Bogotá, in 2026, with the photographic archive projected behind the action.

Presented at: Revindication 2026 / PerfoARTnet International Performance Biennial.

Performance recorded at Teatro Barajas, Bogotá, 2026.
3D photographic sculpture produced with Clonarte, Bogotá.
Selected underwear contributed by friends, followers and collaborators.